Over and Over

I’m standing on the edge again….

I’m standing on the edge of, everything I know
Comfort is behind me, I’ve got to let that go
There’s freedom in the free fall, when I’m falling into you
God knows where I’m going, maybe I don’t have to

I lay me down at the altar
Over and over, over and over
From fear to faith, I surrender
Over and over, over and over

You take all my questions, as they’re wrestled to the ground
Patiently You guide me, You’re so good, beyond what I see now, oh
I don’t have all the answers, trust is what I need
My comfort is in knowing, You’re right here, You’re right here next to me

My heart has been anxious for the unknown of the future and the ministry challenge that I have sensed God has put before me… as I was prayer walking and asking God for confirmation, this song flowed through my playlist.  And hit me at my core.  Yes God, I choose to trust you.  Trust is all I need.

I’m standing on the edge of,

As I started off this semester I was hoping to just have some students to meet with face to face yet my expectations have been exceeded.  I find myself at the edge of the cliff again, wondering if God is asking me to take another leap of faith.  I see the sea of opportunity and the deep needs of these students.  I sense Him asking me not to be complacent with where we are and what is known but to trust Him for more. And as I wonder and pray through this, I heard this song for the first time and it spoke confirmation to me…

                                        Everything I know.

Comfort is behind me,

Am I to aim to live into comfort or move out of comfort?  To pursue God and pursue the life He is calling me toward.  Comfort isn’t just the materialistic things around us or the security in the future. He calls me to put comfort behind me and radically pursue the Kingdom.  It’s not just the areas of unreached people in the corners of the world that can be uncomfortable.  We are to push past our comfort here as we expand our reach on campus and in the community.  My flesh craves to just keep things at a level that I can manage on my own.

                                       I’ve got to let that go.

There’s freedom in the free fall,

This blog was named trustfall as I knew to step into ministry as vocation there would be many, many areas that would be unknown to me.  And I would have to step into the unknown, to stand on the cliff and let myself free fall into the abyss below.  That abyss has been full of a journey with so many other people and growth on all sides.   A journey of trusting God in the unknown and knowing that He provides in ways that I don’t see coming as He expands His Kingdom.  The gospel is for everyone and we are to be about this mission both near and far.  He has taken me far, He has brought me near and He continues to give me vision for what could be . To look over the cliff and know He is there.

                                                When I’m falling into you.

God knows where I’m going

I’m three years into visioning here, growing and expanding.  My flesh tells me to look back and reflect over these last three years.  To not expend myself more and take on more.  My reality tells me it’s 2020 which has been anything but a predictable year and leaves us with more unknowns in the future than I could ever think or imagine.  Yet the Knower within me will not rest.  It keeps me awake at night urging me to not become complacent or satisfied with the past. He knows the future

Maybe I don’t have to.

And so, as I finish out this 2020 year of ministry, my heart is overflowing as I move from fear to faith, as I surrender.  As I lay out the future once again on the altar.  Over and over again.  I feel like I have been asked to surrender the future and just trust in the freefall.  And because He has been faithful over the last twenty years of pursuing this freefall, I do it again.  Over and over again.  My comfort is in knowing, you’re right here, next to me.  You’ve wrestled my questions and the thoughts that I have as you remind me of this 2020 journey and the provision you have had over every single piece.  I may not have the answers, but I know who does.  And so

                                    I’m standing on the edge of everything I know.

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